I’m going to talk about something difficult, so as some people say this is a trigger warning.

The statistics are alarming, at least they should be. We have had a lot of light that has been shown upon this topic within my lifetime.

We often times shame ourselves for abuse that has happened to us. As if we weren’t good enough and that’s why someone hurt us, or punished us. We get stuck in the why did this happen to me, or I should have left sooner, or I should have worn something different, or not gone to the park that day.

Many rape victims say it was their fault, when it really had nothing to do with them, they happened to be in close proximity to a person(s) who perpetrated the violence against them. There is no logical reason to assume blame to a victim, and many victims of abuse make it their fault. Even children in divorce will blame themselves for their parents marriage ending, or a child who has been sexually assaulted will blame themselves.

We also live in a culture that questions the victim more than the perpetrator, blames them, and makes it difficult to be a victim of trauma.

I had a a client who was born to a young mother, we will call him Douglas. He came into my office, an elder gentlemen and he was distinguished. He was articulate and gave detailed descriptions of his very intense history, and could recount in great specificity what he had been thru. And I warn you again this may be hard to hear, this may trigger you. If you are sensitive you don’t have to read this.

His mother was raised by a baptist preacher, and she became pregnant at 14. Her father was very angry with her and called her a prostitute and kicked her out of her home.

Having nowhere to go, she found an abandoned cabin down by a river on the outskirts of town. She had nothing, no food and no one to help her, and being a child herself she had very little understanding or choice in how to provide for herself. So she raised her son the best way she knew how. She sold her body her sex for money and food to support herself and her newborn child.

She had a difficult birth with him and brought him home to the cabin where he remembered being very close to her. He could remember her smell, her touch and her tears and her sweet kind loving body as she would hold and rock him to sleep, sing him songs and make him food.

He remembered her like she was right there. He remembered the cabin, the way the water in the in the river ran, he was sent down by the river to play when she had men come to visit her. Sometimes he was in the other room when a visitor would come and he didn’t like the sounds that came from that room, he didn’t like the vibe. He was afraid for his mother, and he developed a great sense of urgency and need over his young life.

One day a man who he described as dark, too dark to make out or see came to visit his mother, he was 4 years old at this time. He found his mother in a pool of her own blood, left alone there with her as she died. He remembers vividly the details, the pain, the heartbreak and the devastation of seeing his beautiful young mother murdered in front of him. He was left there for several days, crying. Alone and hungry, he remembers and was defined by the horror.

The pain and anguish this grown elder man carried was palpable.

He was taken in by family members, he had two elder cousins who began to pick on him. And he did not find peace for quite some time. He was smart, and he put his nose down into a book to try to escape the world he was living in. He found help from his teachers who saw his brave soul and knew his story as he confided in them, because he really had no one else to turn to. He had a few teachers who lifted him up, and helped him achieve academically, he looked up to them, and was so grateful for all and any support that he became a triumph story in high school.

He ran track, he got a scholarship to college. He realized he could gain power by having financial success and became adept at business commerce and achieved. He married, he lived, and survived. In ways he learned to thrive. His heart was so sensitive and he had a very strong intuition. He was clairvoyant, he was very sensate and cognizant of the energies inside of himself, others, and his environment. I would say he had a sixth sense, that he was aware of more than most people.

And it had to do with his origin story. He was in his late 60’s and he was very vocal and movement oriented in sessions. He had an electric static energy that would course thru him and come off of him, and he would relive those moments, of terror, of horror and pain. His body had been hurt several times throughout his life, and the pain of the original story seamed to be held in these joints, in the facets of his body.

And he somehow blamed himself for her death. At 4 years old he felt responsible, and had carried a sense of shame and guilt in his body- a physical scar from the trauma, in his heart.

His trauma though not detectable on MRI’s or scans, reflected in the symptoms he was presenting with. He carried that shame and guilt for surviving and also the very visceral sensation of loss, hate, anger, betrayal, can you imagine?

He was asking why, why me, why this, since it happened. These questions echoed in his mind. He remembered the blood and the agony, the pain and then he would try to block it, to move through it.

He had abuse after this event from family members who picked on him and internalized the shame and guilt in his body. He found reading to be an avenue of reprieve.

He was able to escape into other worlds and run away you could say. He ran track in school and he loved it, he was fast and won, and this is where he found his people. He had a team of boys rooting for him by now and a coach who gave him encouragement. He had slowly began to show his psychic abilities to class mates and they all went to him and confided in him and he would read their Tarot. He had become popular and could captivate an audience. He worked hard and studied, he made his way well in the world and was generous and helped others. He had a good heart, and his greatest desire was to feel significant, in his own words.

As a healer and a space holder this was a big energy to hold space for. His whole origin story was palpable in his tissue. The frightened little person still tangible inside. His moments so early in childhood, the trauma was catastrophic, and had psychologically and spiritually fractured him. He was in pieces.

He felt the healing of my touch right away. When I treat anyone I base and ground in all pervasive ever present love. This love comes from and is sourced from so much more than just me. I literally could not do what I do if I was just accessing my own power of healing and love, and the way that I source is unique to me.

The reason I can witness and be present is that I am continuing to center in a perspective of observation. I focus and consistently redirect my energy towards my client. I am in a space of being a vessel and a container. With awareness, I have access to all the tools I have ever learned and the adaptations of the blending of these tools as well as access to what my intuition creatively inspires, and I hold and anchor in my core and the ever changing center of my being. I hold a field that is loving and compassionate, accepting and spacious. I center in my body and I call upon help from the All.

I listen and acknowledge what is being experienced and meet my client where they are at. Which changes from moment to moment and so I stay attuned and track them. Their breath, their movements, their sounds.

I hold them with my hands as the moisture fall from their eyes, I meet and treat my clients in full acceptance and support to explore what they are presenting with, in its authentic unfolding and I trust whatever comes up is in the name of healing that is why it is happening.

With my client, I was able to take almost an inch of swelling off of his knee in the first session. He was able to release so much chronic debilitating pain in his lower back. It was like watching him shed layers of debris that was floating in the herniations and layers of scar tissue. His spine was twisted from the uneven sacrum, that was sending his lumbar vertebrae into continual spasm. Douglas was rounded and his heart was sunken in his chest, his shoulders were medially rotated.

After the sessions his heart was in his center and his shoulders had rolled back considerably. He was able to walk without a limp and was standing in a much more grounded and centered way. Even after years Douglas still remains poignant in my memory.

I wanted to bring your attention to this case study because, I am grateful for his example of perseverance against all the adversity and cruelty he endured.

During these Holidays, let us be reverent, respectful and kind to each person we come into contact with. You never know what someone has been thru, and why they may be coming from where they are coming from.

Sharing kindness and empathy is a way to create the world we want to live in. And everyone deserves it, even if they have made mistakes, or have come from places we would rather never have to experience.

When we greet people with the presence and awareness of reasonless love, we can pass on the message that...

Each one of us is significant.

Angela Rose is a Myofascial Release Therapist and an Injury Specialist and she practices in Grass Valley at Sol Bodyworks.