Most of that time with her conscious mind she did not remember what constructs her mind had conjured. Her belief systems hardwired in the first seven years were well below the surface and simultaneously influenced all fascial layers of her. She was highly sensitive to energy, and could feel complex emotions in herself and others. From a young age she had a sense of energy that she nurtured and cultivated when she was alone, she ran to the natural world and felt her aliveness and the timelessness of climbing trees. She felt most at home in the forest, building her fort. The big mound of ladybugs beside her lemonade stand, the stary nights she slept under. She felt free in nature. People on the other hand seemed to avoid the truth, and wind and weave their lives together with half truths. And when what seemed obvious as true was revealed, it seemed to implode the ego which we were all so desperately cling onto presenting the surface facade of everything looks good. Below the surface the mind tries to make sense, the body stores the unresolved and her heart felt torn but he fractures created by the disconnect.

She seemed to be coping and preforming and through much trial and error she began proving herself to others. She was critical of her mistakes. She had learned to be forgiving with others and hard on herself. First it was the work at home, seemed to always be more asked of her. Then moving out into the real world to make the money. School and work together seemed a sheer test in determination of how exhausted she could be and still carry on. She learned that acting the part worked, that preforming was proof of her worth and when she focused on what was important to others, when achieved she rose in value in their eyes. That seemed to be important, to advance. To get ahead, the competition was working hard, so it’s always time to work harder. The harder she worked the more tired she became, and she learned to override the tired, to keep pushing and preforming and producing for the external validations of the outside world she gained materials, status, wealth.

There were years of struggle and challenge and as she achieved what seemed to be success from the outside, she felt cycles welling with the strength of her emotions. These emotions moved her. She found safe spaces where she could move her emotions and in these spaces is where flow began to happen. In exercise, in following her nature, when she traveled, she learned to use her free time to celebrate dance and play; to stayed connected to her inner child like nature.

She learned the art of balance and of living a meaningful life. She learned to appreciate what she had, even when what she had didn’t seem like enough, she learned to practice gratitude. Something she had forgotten from time to time during the coursing of hormones as she gained independence from her family, she lowered the armor she had been taught to carry, and she began to track and question the defenses as she protected parts of herself she had learned to fight for.

She is a ripe young age of 92. She is in love, her husband clearly returns the deep loving affection in spades and he dotes on her. She was not wanted as a child, she was passed from person to person and her own mother didn’t want her. She purposefully let her wander in the streets as an almost 2 year old. She speaks with a glimmer in her eye, she is full of loving spirit and genuinely excited for life. She has a joy that is infectious and very caring and loving with her whole being. She also does not look her age, very much younger looking than people of her age, I believe it is the loving care she takes and is given, that keeps her young. She has not let this glimmer fade. She spoke of her childhood and the frequent neglect and starvation she endured as she didn’t know it was supposed to be any different. She worked as a maid in a 5 story motel, did all the laundry and cleaning to earn her keep from a mere 10 year old. She also highlighted the miracles of survival as well as the ways in which she was able to be free and have a unique view of the world. Her focus was on the positive even though life was handing her lemons, she was making lemonade. I asked her how she was able to be in love and wonder for life even when she was treated so poorly and she said that the spirit of Christ had come to her and spoken to her in times of trouble, and then she said, I learned to love myself, I loved my little girl very well. She had experiences that by my account some may have died from and she had seen many miracles in which she died and came back. 

She had broken her coccyx from a fall when she jumped off of a rock into the water and landed on a rock that was shallow in the water, 65 years ago. She has a shattered coccyx and I have been treating her for dizzy spells and the pain that had not left since the accident. She had just gotten used to it. She was pitched forward and walked on her tippy toes. We have been working on her gate and she is taller and has significantly less pain everywhere. She walks in proud of her tall walk and her new experience.

Our focus and perspective in life is so important, our belief in love and genuine offering of it makes it real.